Sometimes I have to force myself to accept kindness. Yesterday I was in bed with a nasty cold. My wife offered to make me breakfast. I didn’t want to accept, I wanted to be bigger than that (and I was worried that I didn’t deserve the kindness that was being shown me). I’m coming to understand that graciously accepting the kindness of someone else can itself be kind. Worse, acting out on my belief that I deserve kindness can actually be hard on those around me.
It’s good to be self-sufficient. Today I want to be giving enough to be able to receive, gratefully. I am grateful for the eggs and toast, it was exactly what I needed! I’m glad I was able to accept kindness.
Would people be willing to share how they let themselves accept kindness when they haven’t necessarily felt worthy? Thanks for the comments!
Small Kind Things 
This is a really big struggle for me. I tend to view accepting kindness as an imposition on the person offering and prefer to be self-sufficient. (You should see my horror when the grocery store employees offer to help me out to my car!) On the other side, I really like having the opportunity to offer kindness and have it be accepted, so perhaps I can try to keep that in mind and be more accepting.
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True kindness is rare. We dont understand it, or question why its happening. Kindness in modern society is often a lie. It is manipulation wrapped with pretty paper and bows. When we are confronted with true kindness we are often torn between self worth and self care. Shakespeare said ” Love all, trust few, do wrong to none.” I to this day have no tools for accepting kindness. I give it freely and often. Receiving it is bizarre. I was raised to be absolutely independent. I am learning to be interdependent. To recognize my need to share my work. To see the gift to another can be allowing them to aid me. Building a bond of balance. I smile and offer as gracious whenever possible. It is a work in progress.
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Interdependence is hard for me too. I don’t know how to have the flexible boundaries that allow me to rely on someone else, but not so totally that I will resent them if they don’t give me exactly what I want. I’ve found if I don’t let my ‘gas tank’ get too low (don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired), I do better at relying on people appropriately.
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